Afghanistan dating and marriage customs
Aug 20, We talked to academics to get the lowdown on courtship and marriage in three cultures. Chinese dating customs range from old school to new. Marriage partner. Records 1 - register and cookiesjobsdatingoffersshoppuzzlesinvestor afghanistan dating and matrimonial, matrimonial ads. Throughout all. Aug 1, Until recently, dating was almost nonexistent in Afghanistan, because of religious and cultural norms that prohibit relationships before marriage.
Moms and dads post signs touting their children's personal details, including height and income, and then scan the hundreds of other signs in search of a good fit. For the parents, it's a practical, low-tech way to try to achieve their goal: Get their child hitched. But it's not effective for everybody, particularly women in their late 20s or early 30s with careers. This group, called the "sheng nu," or leftover womenis a growing demographic that is the focus of To's research.
Although they are looking for partners, their status tends to intimidate men. So a woman with an advanced degree and a top position at a company wouldn't want to have those things advertised on a marriage market sign. As To explains, "there's no market for someone like that. Those sorts of dates are anything but blind, To says.
Before anyone agrees to anything, there are behind-the-scenes negotiations. They put everything on the table," says To, who notes it's common to reveal anything that might be perceived as negative.
Do you want to meet him? She has a Ph. Do you want to meet her? The most popular program — with up to 50 million viewers per episode — is If You Are the One, which To describes as a dating show meets American Idol. Eligible bachelors show off their talents singing, dancing, magic tricks to impress a group of 24 single women.
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If a match is made, the couple heads off. Humayoon Daneshyar hosts a nationally broadcast radio show called Jawanan al Mushkalat phor Youth and Their Problems. It's a weekly call-in program that gives young people a chance to voice their romantic frustrations and dilemmas. Daneshyar, himself a father of five, says he launched the show because young people often have nowhere to go to ask for advice on love, marriage and family pressures.
Through Translator A lot of young boys and girls feel shameful to say to their parents that I want to marry this girl, or I want to marry this boy. And even one can say that if a girl says to his parents, to her parents, that I want to marry this boy, she would be killed. Daneshyar says he receives hundreds of letters every month from listeners, some of whom have threaten suicide because they're forced into marriage, or money and status prevent them from finding a partner.
Yasin Vabrak is a psychologist and co-host of the program. He says it's not just romantic problems young people face, but sexual repression and the confusion and guilt that come with it. Sex is a taboo almost never discussed in Afghan families. Vabrak says he uses the show to dispel myths in Afghanistan's Islamic culture that masturbation will cause impotence or eternal damnation.
Girls, he says, are also under pressure, because if a woman's virginity is called into question on her wedding night she could be sent back to her family or even killed. According to Afghan tradition, the sheets from the wedding night are displayed to the couple's family the next day.
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Through Translator That is the pride of the family. Even girl's mother cries, you know. And if the amount of the blood, which is required to come out in the first sexual intercourse, does it come out or not?
So this is biggest stress for girls. The show has been blamed by critics for corrupting youth and destroying the moral fabric of Afghan society. And both Vabrak and his co-host have received numerous threats over the past few years. But the hosts claim that the more people listen, they'll realize that the more information young people have about love and sex, the better decisions they will make. Back at Kabul University, Anan Toribi and his buddies turn their conversation from the art of text messaging to their seemingly never-ending search for true love.
It's two kind of: You look someone, oh, what attractive girls. Social media provides some examples of current bride prices in different provinces see: Not all communities in Nangarhar have a tradition of asking for a bride price.
Loya Paktia Khost, Paktia and Paktika: Bride Price versus Dowry Bride price is known as walwar in Pashto-speaking areas and toyana and sherbaha in Dari-speaking areas.
It is an Afghan tradition with no foundation in Islamic law see: Bride price and mahr are not the same: According to Islamic sharia law, women who enter into a marriage contract are entitled to receive mahr and it is intended to provide security for her and her children in case the husband dies or requests a divorce.
According to Hanafi jurisprudence fiqha wife is allowed to use the mahr in any way she sees fit as it is her property — this means that she can also return it or share it with her husband or their extended family. This is the financial obligation that a husband has to his bride.
Community members interviewed by AAN said that mahr was almost never implemented as Islamic law prescribes, even if people are aware of the law. In fact, when parents of a bride and groom negotiate wedding arrangements, they often use the word mahr when they are actually talking about the wedding price. The money was paid directly to her brother and after the wedding, when I asked my wife about the mahr, she told me that she did not receive a penny of the[Pakistani] rupees.
Instead, she told me that her brother had used the money to arrange the marriage of his son. The Complex Social and Financial Effects of the Bride Price The bride price is a huge burden on grooms and their families, but is also a vital source of income for the families of brides, in particular poorer ones.
If a father only has daughters and no sons, he will often rely on the bride price as a source of income, as he cannot rely on the income a son would bring.
Getting a high bride price was a major reason given by parents for marrying their girls off young. Other economic factors also counted, including giving girls in lieu of debts and exchanging girls, so that neither family had to pay the bride price. Article 28 of the law on the Elimination of Violence against Women states that those who force girls to marry under the age of 15 should be imprisoned for at least two years and the same article states that the marriage of an underage girl can be cancelled at the request of the girl.
This is particularly true when the economies of entire families depend on underage marriages.
Parents who chose to or are forced to marry off their underage daughters often ignore factors such as the age or any disabilities of the future son-in-law. Daughters might even get married off to men whom their families have never seen before. An AREU study on marriage practice in Afghanistan from cited the example of Aziza, a girl in her mid-teens who was married to a 60 years old man. Therefore I saw no other way out than to marry the old man who was willing to pay the bride price demanded by my family.
In summerjust before he was about to return to Afghanistan, he fell from the third floor of a building where he was working. He suffered a broken neck and severe spinal cord injuries and had to spend most of his earned money on medical treatment.
Most borrow money from relatives; others mortgage or sell land.
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In many cases, the families of brides are also willing to accept some of the bride price in kind through land titles, houses or cars. InYar Muhammad from Mutakhan district in Paktika province transferred his 20 jeribs of farmland to his brother-in-law as payment for the negotiated 1, Pakistani rupees 17, US dollars bride price. Yar Muhammad was left with only a few jeribs of land to use as a source of livelihood.
In some cases, the pressure to pay high bride prices has caused young men to commit suicide see a report of Mehwar Daily published in Decemberhere.
Similarly, depression and other psychological problems, family disputes, suicides and fleeing homes have been reported among those young men and women who were not able to get married because they were unable to meet the demands for the bride price see for example: In some cases, the bride price also results in women not being able to get married.
This is viewed as shameful for the women, as is getting married at an old age. For example, Nasima name changed was 50 years old when she finally married a 60 year old widower in another village of Andar district.
Life was so difficult for her that she said she would agree to marry anyone who asedk her, even if he had disabilities or was an old man. The widower, who married Nasima, had a daughter and three sons from his previous wife.